The Divine Comedy (The Inferno, The Purgatorio, and The Paradiso) - Dante Alighieri, John Ciardi Written for the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament

(sung to the tune of "Minnie The Moocher")

Folks, here´s a story about Winnie the Pooh-cher
He was a chubby Pooh-chie-koocher
He was fat and loved his honey
but he was sweet and his heart was sunny

(chorus)
Hunny-Hunny-Hunny-hi
Hundee-hundee-hunndee-ho
Pigletee-pigletee-hee
Tiggery-Tiggery--Ho

He met a dude whose name was Virgil
who hung around in hellish circles.
He took the bear to hell for a match
where he planned to kick Pooh's ass.

{chorus)

Pooh saw things that curled his toes
Things that burned and things that glowed.
Pooh said, "Hey this isn't funny!
And I don't see one ounce of honey."

(chorus)

Virgil said, "Remember where you are.
This is hell not "Dancing with the Stars.
Where people pay for their mortal sins
And I wonder Pooh, where your sins' been."

Pooh now felt out of his league.
For he knew hoarding honey was Greed
And he wasn't the most energetic bloke
"Oh dear! Sloth's a sin! Is there no hope?"

(chorus)

Virgil laughed and was enjoying his victory.
When Beatrice descended and his win was history.
Beatrice squealed like a schoolgirl in joy.
"Oh, what a cutie! A little Pooh Toy!.

(chorus)

Beatrice grabbed Pooh, to heaven he was lifted
Where she cuddled him in eternal kisses
The moral of this tale is simple but clever
Being terminally cute beats all Lucifer's levels.

(chorus)

Yea Win! Yea Win, Yea Win.

(With apologies to Cab Calloway)