The Complete Tales and Poems of Winnie-the-Pooh - A.A. Milne, Ernest H. Shepard Written for the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament

"Oh, Bother!" stated the Pooh-Bear.

"What could be the matter, Pooh," Asked Christopher Robin. "Haven't you counted all the bees in the hive and chased all the clouds in the sky?"

"Don't quote silly Kenny Loggins songs to me. There's a bigger problem."


"Well. Mr. Robin. I'm supposed to fight Hamlet in the Death match semi-final. I was expecting to go mano a bearo with him. But all of a sudden these other Characters are showing up and messing up my plans.
It's a sock puppet orgy."

Robin looked a little embarrassed and wondered if the bear was peeking in his window last night, But he continued on.

"Why, Pooh. You must look at the positive. Don't you have lots of honey."


"And you have your friends."

"Well, yeah but..."

It was that time Tigger, Piglet, and Eyore showed up.

Piglet grinned. "That Tolstoy was a wimp. Never worry about Vegans. One look at me and he crumbled."

Eyore never looked happy but he was a little less unhappy than usual. "I just gave Alex one kick. He'll be singing Beethoven's Ninth one octave higher for a while."

Tigger was the happiest of all. "Wow! That Hamlet was tasty. I haven't had a better meal since my gig with Siegfried and Roy."

"See, Pooh? Everyone needs friend. Now you can rest up for the final."

And Pooh was happy. The Hundred Acre Wood was a nice place again.