Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy, David Magarshack, Priscilla Meyer Written for the Celebrity Death Match Review Tournament

Pippi Longstocking: I'm surprised you've shown up at all, Anna Karenina. I am much stronger than you and it would be better if you simply concede now.

Anna Karenina: What insolence from a young lady! Have you no manners?

Pippi: I suppose you will teach me manners? You who are imprisoned by your culture's own tired ethics? Ethics which you do not subscribe to yourself?

Anna: And I suppose you think you are freer that we adults.

Pippi: Yes. It is inherent in my environment. In America, I would have been placed on Ritalin until I turned 18. But in Sweden, my brattishness is accepted even admired.

Anna: You are just a child. You know nothing about the complexities of adult issues. Even now, as a literary imortal, I struggle with my demons. In fact, I am currently in a tumultuous affair...with someone you know well.

Pippi: (Child or not, her curiosity is piqued) Who is it? Certainly not Tommy

Anna: He is much too young for me.

Pippi: Tart! It must be my father The Captain. Yea or nay?

Anna: More precisely, Neeeiiigh!

Pippi is at a lost for words for a few seconds, then screams "NOOOOO!". She tears her pigtails out and goes into a tantrum, never seeing the train that runs her over.

The Countess Rostov enters.

Rostov: Very good, Anna. I see you have taken my advice. Let them feel superior to you and then deliver the sucker punch.

Anna: Yes, that was nice wasn't it. And aren't trains a marvelous invention. They're always there when you need one.

Rostov: By the way, Anna. You're not really...

Anna. Of course not, Countess. What do you take me for?

Laughing, they hold hands and go off to tell Tolstoy about their victories.

Note: For clarity's sake, This match has a connection to This match.